Did you know there are NINE emotions in this world that we get the pleasure of experiencing as human beings?
Happy
Sad
Angry
Afraid
Playful
Loving
Confused
Depressed
Peaceful…..
I remember discovering this with my Daughter at the Psychologist office and pretty much sinking in my chair as I believe there were only two – anger and happiness.
For a very long time, I held a lot of anger and wasn’t even aware it was there.. My kids certainly remember my moments of anger and we often talk about how blessed we are that I don’t carry them anymore. There were days I’d slam doors and act like a 15 year old kid. There were days I’d walk in the door feeling happy and flip the switch within minutes just because one small thing went wrong.
At the time, I had trouble seeing my anger. I knew I wasn’t happy, however I was numbing so much that I wasn’t able to see that anger was overtaking most of my time at home with my family – who mattered most.
Brene Brown says that when you numb one emotion, you numb them all. I had trouble believing this as I thought I was actually feeling…I was actually doing interviews at the time at work for work/life balance as so many couldn’t see how I was effectively getting my work done and not hanging on by a string and yet, I was doing it with NUMBNESS inside. Work wasn’t seeing my unhappiness as I showed up there with such excitement and drive, however, home was slowly withering away and I had no idea what to do so I chose to ignore it all….
I remember the day I unconsciously chose work over my family. I hate failing – I think we all do and yet, I was really struggling as a Mom. Work was easy for me. It allowed me to be this person who I felt proud of. Being a mom felt like endless failure and I disliked failure so I avoided it like the plague. The hardest thing as a mom is knowing you can’t walk away. There were so many moments my kids and husband saw a side of me that I hid from the world and it was so much easier to run over feel….
I wasn’t blessed to start motherhood the way I had planned. I couldn’t wait to have kids. I couldn’t wait to be a mom and yet, on the day it happened, my entire life shifted. I ended up with PTSD in the delivery room upon Lucy’s arrival into this world. They messed up my bloodwork and coded me. I remember how this felt and I remember the immediate numbness that came after this moment. After that, I went completely into automatic mode and couldn’t feel anything. I flowed through having two beautiful daughters after that moment, moving as a family, starting a new job and trying to become the superhero of my life while barely holding on.
I choose to NUMB it all.
I wasn’t taught how to feel and looking back, it was the greatest lesson my soul ever chose to embrace.
As kids, we weren’t really taught how to emotionally regulate. It’s not our parents fault, they too were not taught it either.
I wasn’t given the blessing of learning emotions and how to regulate until after the age of 36 – sitting in my psychologist office with my daughter because of course she didn’t know how to either.
I remember listening to what he was teaching and almost falling over in my chair when I realized I too hadn’t learned this valuable knowledge. It was life shifting…
Emotions are our body’s way of communicating. When emotions arise – we are being asked to tune in to discover what we are needing to pay attention to. If we choose to pay attention and feel the emotion we are being asked to feel, we can move forward empowered. If we block the emotion, overtime they get built up inside, and eventually no longer have space within and flow outward.
Emotions that don’t get dealt with become NUMBED, and ones that do, teach us lessons to move forward and do it differently next time. We are meant to flow in our emotions, not HOLD them….
WOW..
Most of us right now are numbing and holding. We are either on pills to cope or using anger as our guiding force. I am not criticizing you or judging you in any way shape or form as I know, sometimes we need tools to move forward (remember at one point I was on 100mg of antidepressants too). However, I am asking that if you are numbing or full of anger – that NOW, you wake up and do something about it.
Remember – our kids are a mirror reflection of who we are….
What if the mirror our kids are reflecting can become our greatest gift in growing?
What if – they are here to show us the good, bad and ugly for us to see it and empower change in it.
Our kids are resilient, however they learn how to be from us. If we are only using anger or NUMB, they too will only choose ANGER or NUMB.
This is our greatest opportunity….
What if today, instead of feeling the shame around how you’ve shown up, you did something about it.
You made a decision to dive a little deeper into the emotions you aren’t feeling and wrapped your head around why. When we choose to grow, our kids automatically flow with us as we are their guides.
I watched as I started to unlearn my anger and sadness and feel my way through it, so did my girls. As I shited, they did too….As I learned, they did too.
It was magical to watch and it’s why I unraveled it all…it started because of them and now, I am most proud to feel it within me.
What if today – you took all the effort and people pleasing ways you so easily give away to others and turned it back on yourself to start feeling again???
You stopped making yourself feel like a failure for the mistakes you’ve made and you faced your truth – the ones you are hiding from…
This is what I had to do.
I had to become selfish and allow the deep darkness to flow for the light to eventually shine through….
I had to feel it all…
Deal with it all
Accept my role in it all….
Allow it all to flow…
This took five years, tons of counseling, meditation, mindfulness and you name it – I did it…however I DID IT…..You are worthy of the same….
As I unraveled the anger, the sadness, the depression and the shame, I recognized a powerful force in being human that I was ignoring and maybe you are too.
We must feel to heal.
We must feel to grow
We must feel to show up better for our children.
When we grow, our children grow too…
We are HUMAN. Being human means that we are allowed to have these feelings most of us ignore and yet, we can’t live in them.
My mom always said powerful words that guided me through those moments when I wasn’t acting as my mature self…..”it’s not what you do in the moment that matters most, it’s what you do after that has the opportunity to shift it all”.
What if today, the only thing you did differently is know you’re not alone and move forward differently than the last time you felt the anger.
Today in my home, anger flows and no longer holds. It’s the most incredible superpower we’ve developed within our home.
With my girls, we now talk a lot. We call each other out on our moments where we need guidance and we work through them together. We don’t raise our voices – instead, we use our words, articulate our emotions and move forward together.
You are worthy of the same….
We can’t change what has happened, however we can empower what happens next.
Today, I empower you with the choice to do it differently and the opportunity to move forward. The time is now and our kids deserve it, now, more than ever….
So let the anger flow….
Feel the power of being HUMAN
Knowing you aren’t alone….
Knowing that choice and perspective lie underneath it all
Knowing that you are the only one who can empower it all…
The time is NOW…
You are so very worthy of it.
Wake up call…
The Nancy Perspective 