I carry a backpack??

A wonderful women once asked me “Whats in your backpack?” I remember my first thought….huh? What does that mean? Do i look like I’m carrying baggage?

So what is it? Why is it important? Her definition was pretty clear – All the things we carry around, knowing or unknowingly in our bodies….all the thoughts, feelings, to do list, emotions, pains, fears, you name it.

I remember saying “I have no clue”. I remember closing my eyes and attempting to figure it out, but because I had carried it for so long and pretty much dragged it all through each and every day, I had forgotten to stop and take a closer look.

My immediate thought – “well everyone has one and I’m sure they are all as full as mine. There are many things that I HAVE to do, not necessarily WANT to do, but because I am a mom, career women, and super amazing, I can, will and definitely try to do it all.”

I remember the next moment when she look at me and said “well that can only last for so long. Eventually your backpack will be so full…you won’t even know where to start to attempt to unpack it”…I think she knew in her heart and soul that I was already there. Full! Unaware and oblivious to what I had packed away for so long.

As we discussed further,  I started thinking about all the little things that popped into my brain….brushing my kids teeth and how much i disliked it, making lunches, saying yes to all the things i really didn’t want to do, attempting to be perfect at everything..and blah blah blah…..the list  went on and on and on. I remember thinking that I hadn’t even scratched the surface of what was deep in my backback and already it was making me boil over.

I left that conversation feeling puzzled – what was really in there?

How would I even start to unpack? What would that even look like? How much was actually in there? Would I even be ok with getting rid of it?

Then it hit me…HARD! Thoughts starting pouring in….this might be why I can’t focus on today and being present. this might be why I struggle so much with my past… my backpacks so full that I have no space left for anything else. And i knew it was time…

This backpack metaphor reminds me so much of the movie “Inside out”. How we feel on the inside truly impacts how we are perceived on the outside. The memories we carry, the thoughts we have, all make us who we are and sometimes, like my story, blind, to whom we’ve become. I know we know this, but  I’ve truly lived it and over the next  little while, I will show you how and what i’ve learned along the way.

I want you, yes you, to see all that was inside my backpack and how I – a type A, go-getter, super women MOM and CAREER women had no choice but to take a step back and unpack. It wasn’t easy and what I will share is scary to tell the world, but I finally feel that I’m in a place to share it so that others can unpack long before they have no choice.

As I leave you today, maybe take some time to ponder… whats in your backpack?

Write it down! I was never a writer, until NOW.